Where do we get our confidence from? 

Numerous times I have been asked how I can be so confident in myself.  But really we all struggle with confidence at times.  A lot of people have been taught that confidence comes from our achievements and the accolades we receive from others.  But in truth our confidence must come from within.

Not long ago I spoke with a friend who was giving a huge presentation at work to not only a boss who disagreed with her but all her colleagues.  She had done everything to prepare and knew exactly what she was going to say.  She believed in what she had to say and put forward to the group, but still it was testing her confidence in herself.  When our confidence is tested then our mind will begin to fill with doubt.

My advice to her was to believe in herself because if she didn’t believe in herself and what she was saying then no one else would.  When we start doubting ourselves, then negativity and fear will creep in.  This then causes us to think of the worst case scenario happening and the loss of confidence becomes two fold.  These emotions, the negativity and fear, will be sensed by those around you.

Confidence like any emotion is something you feel and you can train yourself to access at any time.  Learning confidence is just a process like any other. There are a number of ways you can do this.

  1. You have to uncover your beliefs that are causing the self-doubt by looking at what kind of questions you ask yourself. If the questions are negative then you set yourself up to fail.  Shift your mindset and instead of saying “I can’t do this or this is impossible” say to yourself “I can do it or it doesn’t matter if I fail I just have to try”. Remember that your thoughts aren’t always accurate.
  2. Confidence is built on choices that feed your passion and those passions can make you feel happy and proud of who you are. Find your passion and pursuit it so that you are happy and proud of what you are doing.
  3. Stop comparing yourself to others, believe in your own ability, skills and experience as confidence comes from feeling good about yourself.  
  4. Face your fears head on. Stop putting things off by telling yourself you’ll do it when you are more confident in your ability.  Jump in with both feet and just do it.  Try that thing you have always wanted to try, don’t wait for what you think is the perfect time.
  5. Show yourself some compassion. Remember that it is okay to fail and that you don’t always have to be perfect.

My friend I mentioned earlier, well she went in to her meeting the next day believing in herself and her idea and she nailed that presentation!  All it took was her shift in her mindset, she went in with confidence that was sensed by everyone listening to her.

“Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.  The essence of building confidence is this: If you go into a situation knowing that you can handle it – whatever it is – then that’s exactly what you’ll do.” ~ Tony Robbins

About the author : CarolC


  1. Gina Luke 04/10/2021 at 9:57 pm - Reply

    Hi Carol as always well written
    Gina Luke

    • CarolC 09/10/2021 at 11:01 am - Reply

      Thanks Gina

  2. Phyllis Banks 05/10/2021 at 1:21 am - Reply

    You always knew what you wanted in life Carol, therefore your confidence grew from year to year.
    You have achieved so much in your life having the confidence in yourself. You are an inspiration to every one.

    • CarolC 09/10/2021 at 11:01 am - Reply

      Thanks mom, I learnt from the best!

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